can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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