Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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