You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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