I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
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