I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
ok first of all what the fuck
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
