Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
