My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
