: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
