READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
