okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
