So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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