I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
