you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
