There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
