ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I cockslap morals
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
