I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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