that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
