now i know why i became what i already was.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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