I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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