I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
