At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
