I hate all girls vehemently.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
