He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
