you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
