No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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