it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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