I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
