I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
