love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
