If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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