I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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