If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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