would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
