I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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