It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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