God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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