Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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