Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
