He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
