So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
