found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
There's always time for handjobs
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
