remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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