So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
