I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
