it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
