Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
