I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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