At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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