I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
