There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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