What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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